Air Travel With A Baby

As I was scampering around the house trying to ready it and our family for our upcoming trip, lamenting the lack of time to write a blog post (I have been piecing together a gift guide but have woefully run out of time), I realized that I have all of my air traveling with a baby tips pre-written thanks to a couple inquisitive friends from a couple of years ago. With a little editing, I present to you my experience-taught, hard earned tips on traveling with a baby. We fly out of O'Hare and Austin so these tips are geared towards their policies and procedures. Your mileage may vary.

There are two big points to keep in mind with everything when preparing to travel with a baby: 
1) plan ahead! You want to have everything as organized as possible
2)Where you are going has a Walmart (or Target or whatever) don't pack more than you have to. 

• You will need to have your baby listed on the flight roster, call the airline ahead and just say "we'll be flying with a lap infant, do you need to add her to the record?" and they ask his/her name and age/birthday. If you don't call ahead you'll need to have a ticket agent add her before security
• Bring as little baby equipment with you as you think you can get away with
•  Are you renting a car? You should consider bringing a car seat as car rental car seats could be compromised (expired or in an accident)
•  Will your baby be happy in a carrier? skip the stroller
• if you are wearing baby in a carrier TSA won't make you take her out to go through the metal detectors unless you set them off, you will have to get your hands wiped and tested, it takes just a second.
•  If you need to bring the stroller and car seat, you can check them at the gate - ask the gate agent (at the desk where you'll board) for a gate check tag BEFORE boarding begins the agent will really appreciate you planning ahead
• You can also check your car seat and stroller when you check luggage, most airlines do not charge for this, though I would invest in travel bags to keep them more protected from damage. Gate check would be the less risky option, here, in my opinion.
• To go through security you'll have to get the baby out of the car seat and/or stroller and put them through the x-ray so do not expect to get him/her all settled out of the car and be set until you board

• Packing!
• I highly recommend packing in one large, checked suitcase (even if you have to pay for it) instead of trying to pack in carry ons. Hauling  baby, gear, diaper bag etc PLUS a carry on suitcase is a huge headache - plus you'd have to race to get to your seat so you have over head storage space for your carry on, or worse - on American Airlines you have to pay for the priviledge of boarding in the first couple of groups. It's a big hassle to do that with a baby. Just throw a little money at the problem and check a bag - it is well worth it to take that stress out of the equation
• I can pack all four of us for 5 nights and 6 days in one checked suitcase, one back pack, and my (large) diaper bag - you can too! 
• (this was before we had a third baby. Now, with two adults, a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and 9 month old we pack in 2 large suitcases a large backpack, 2 small backpacks the kids pack themselves, and a diaper bag)
• Remember that you can do laundry while you are there even if it's at a laundromat - I pack enough underwear +1 and enough clothes for the children to have 1 clean outfit each day +3 spares. For me, I pack enough tops to have 1 new each day but only 2 bottoms.
• Plan to stop at Walmart or Walgreens on your way from the airport (or, if you are visiting family perhaps they can do a store run for you ahead of time. For vacations you can often find services that will deliver necessities to your hotel upon your arrival) - there is no reason to pack all the diapers, wipes, or formula you'll need for the week - buy them there and save yourself the space in your suitcase
• Have your carry-ons as organized as possible - this is key for speed in security (liquids in a bag on TOP, laptop/DVD player not buried, etc)
• You will want to be sure you have sufficient supplies in your diaper bag / unchecked bags for "in case" (I always think: what would I need for the baby if we got stuck in the airport overnight, then add a bit to it)
• I also keep my camera in my carry on and plenty of cash
• I bring a large, empty water bottle (mine is a 32 oz Nalgene, nursing makes me THIRSTY and a Coke on the plane is not going to cut it)
• One or two small snacks for the adults (I bring granola bars they are small and easy to pack)
• If baby is eating include some snacks for them as well (puffs, veggie melts, cheerios, mum mums - this is more for occupying them then nutrition)
• Several empty gallon sized ziplock bags
• Bring 2 or 3 QUIET toys, if they make noise be sure it is a gentle noise, not a squeak or electronic noise (harmony bells are the least offensive of baby toy sounds - they make that gentle tinkling noise)
• Antibacterial wipes (we use the brand: Wet Ones) to clean your 'area' of the plane or waiting area - plus it's easier to use one to "wash" your hands than try to wash them and hold a squirmy baby in an airport bathroom
• Bring something that will help comfort the baby - if he/she has a receiving blanket he/she uses often that is best, you can use it for nursing too
• However many spit rags you use in a day, double it and bring that many (if you usually use none, then pack 2)
• And, if you are breastfeeding, extra nursing pads! Your baby may refuse to nurse and you don't want to leak all over yourself on the plane.
• While may not be cheap, don't worry too much about the packing. There are stores where you are going and if you forget something you can just pick up another while you're there. Sure it's not the cheapest way to travel but it's not worth stressing over

• Security!
• O'Hare has a special "family" line, your airport may too,  keep an eye out for it. there should be someone there to show you where to enter - this helps get you in and out of security (and out of everyone else's way) quickly
• Have your carry on prepared with your liquids in a quart size bag right on top of you diaper bag
• Be sure to bring your infant Tylenol or Motrin in that bag. 
• Baby items are exempt from the liquids rules - you can bring baby food, breastmilk, formula, juice, medications, and nursery water through security. Depending on the agent, they may run a test on water.
• You can also carry empty sippy cups through security and fill them with free water from the concessions or drinking fountains in the terminals.
• If you formula feed or are not comfortable nursing in public remember to bring plenty of milk for baby. It's always better to err on the side of caution here. Dumping hard-won pumped breastmilk is heart breaking but it's better than having a hungry baby and nothing to feed him
• You will need your drivers licenses and your boarding passes out before you get to the xray machines, so keep them handy
• Plan your outfit ahead! Put your jewelry in a small tupperware or ziplock in your carry on, don't wear it. You can put it on after you go through security - if you can get away with no belt, pack that too and keep cell phones in the diaper bag for security too - the goal here is to make as few stresses as possible
• You will probably get puked or pooped or drooled on so wear 2 layers. A good option is to wear a non-white tank under another t-shirt or cardigan to save yourself and outfit change mid-flight
• If you can, wear slip on shoes to avoid the hassle of untying/tying them. Some airports no longer require children to remove their shoes, you can ask the TSA agent who checks your boarding pass if there are no signs detailing that rule
• Have one parent in charge of the baby and one in charge of the 'stuff'
• TSA will ask you to take off any coat/sweater/whatever the baby is wearing, so if you can, get it tucked away into your carry on or diaper bag before you get to the xray machines
• You need to take off your shoes, hence the slip-ons suggestion
• If you are bringing a laptop it also has to get unpacked to be xrayed
• You also have to take out all of the liquids (in a quart sized ziplock) and breastmilk, formula, medicine, etc as previously discussed. Your baby-related liquids don't count towards the 3-1-1 rule, they can be in a separate bag just all taken out for xray
• After you make it through the metal detectors grab all your stuff and move it to the end of the counter, then you can take your time and reassemble and not be in the way too much. 
• Be sure you still have your boarding passes and drivers licenses before you leave security so you don't have to track back
• If you are polite and treat the agents like they are people not machines they will be much nicer to you :)

• In the airport
• Depending on how old your baby is, this shouldn't be too tough just normal waiting around if he/she isn't mobile yet; you won't have to worry about giving him/her walking time before you board
• For crawlers, I suggest wear him/her and walking around as much as possible
• For walkers: let them do as much walking as you can! I have found that fellow passengers are delighted to see children running around and getting all their engery out BEFORE boarding (I do often loudly announce to the "children" that they need to run because on the plane they "will have to be quiet and still")
• Try to keep your hands and space as clean as you can. airports and planes are FULL of germs and you do NOT want to fly home with a sick baby. Seriously, I have done this twice (out of 25-ish flights with at least one baby) and it is absolutely awful.
• When you get your seats outside the gate antibacterial wipe off the arms of your chairs and your hands, then clean your hands if you have to touch other things (gate check ticket/pen/bathroom/etc) and do your best not to touch your baby's hands or face (Yes, this thorough cleaning will make you look a little crazy to the businessmen, but they aren't the ones who would have to take care of your baby on vacation or have to fly home with her sick.)
• Get at least one straw to tuck in your bag (this sounds silly but can be very important. don't ignore this step) Starbucks always has them out you don't have to ask for it then. If you can leave it in it's paper that's best
• Change his/her diaper (and pee etc for yourself) as close to boarding time as possible - if you can avoid the airplane bathroom you get a gold star!
• Buy food drinks/whatever in the airport, airplane food is horrendously expensive and not delicious you can bring anything you want on the plane with you
• If you followed my advice, you will have brought an empty water bottle with you through security - you can fill it at a water fountain or ask a food stand to give you a large glass of ice water to fill it with  (they can't take your container behind their counter) 
• Be sure to drink plenty of water, especially on the second half of the flight when the threat of a bathroom trip is less likely (you can run to the bathroom right off the plane to diaper change and pee yourself - you'd just be waiting for luggage anyway)
• Try to time nursing her so that the baby will be ready to eat for take off; if that means bouncing a cranky baby for the last 10 minutes before boarding then so be it; but if he/she is screaming then feed him/her because convenience for you isn't worth torturing the baby
• If you have to nurse in the airport but are feeling nervous about someone approaching you and asking you to stop, remember that IL law protects you from anyone telling you to cover/hide/whatever and if someone says anything to you, you have the right to sue them ... IL loves breastfeeding mothers (most states have laws that protect breastfeeding mothers)
• Be sure to get your gate check ticket from the gate agent for your stroller (if you brought one) before boarding begins
• Sometimes the gate agent will let you on for pre-boarding so you can get settled - you can ask when you get your gate ticket
• If you can't, then wait until the very very last minute to board, the less time you're in those little seats the better
• The flight!
• When you get on board, put your bags under the seat and wash EVERYTHING in your area with antibacterial wipes while the other parent holds the baby (hopefully without touching anything else - yes, I really do this on every flight, my children have not gotten sick from a plane since I started) including, but not limited to:
• metal of your seatbelts
• arm rests
• window shade handle
• tray table and latch (all exposed surfaces)
• seat pocket top (where you would touch)
• finally everyone's hands
• Before take off, take out anything that you think the baby will need quickly - blanket, a toy, and bottle if you are using them (the pressure changes WILL make a bottle or sippy cup leak if it tips or is too full so use the seat pocket to hold them upright, then slowly unscrew the cap and re-tighted before using it)
• There is a chance your baby will fall asleep (fingers crossed!), so you can take out your book or magazine and stick it in the pocket too so you don't wake him/her up trying to get it out later (My husband puts movies on his phone and we share the ear buds and watch together when the children fall asleep - at least we did this when we all fit in one row)
• I usually use my hoodie rolled up under my elbow as a cushion, the arm rests get very uncomfortable after an hour of cradle-holding a baby
• The pressure changes of take off/ascent and descent/landing can hurt your baby's ears and cause him/her to scream
• Sucking (nursing, sippy cup, bottle) will work the best to prevent this, but if you can get him/her asleep before take off that will be just fine (do not wake your baby to nurse if she's asleep that's just silly)
• If he/she won't nurse/drink (my older two never would) you can give him/her a pacifier to suck on - if he/she won't do either and is screaming, you can use a straw, dipped into your water bottle, to put a few drops of water in his/her mouth to force a swallow. That will help clear her ears so they can adjust to the pressure changes. This is why you need to grab that straw from the airport before you board!
• Be friendly with the flight attendants! If you are nice to them first, they will be even more helpful and kind in return
• They'll probably stop to say hello and if you slip in that it's your first flight with a baby and you'd appreciate any suggestions (especially if they look like they could be moms) you will make a good foundation for your short relationship
• They may have a microwave, so if you bring bottles the flight attendant could heat them for you that way. (Yes, you are generally not supposed to do that - it kills the 'good stuff' in breastmilk and can cause hot spots but one microwaved bottle, shaken for hot spots, is better than a screaming baby.) 
• If you've brought breastmilk, offer to accompany the flight attendant so she doesn't get it on her, take off the top, heat it (15-20 seconds is about right i think for 4 oz) swirl the bottle very well and test the temperature before you give it to her you can let it cool of course
• Stay flexible and, if you're breastfeeding, nurse your baby as much as you can on the plane. Besides keeping the baby's ears clear it will keep him/her occupied and quiet AND it's a great way to keep him/her safe from the germs (breastmilk coats mucus membranes to prevent germs from getting into the blood stream)
• If you are worried about modesty and your baby (like all three of mine) despises a cover, your husband can hold a blanket like a curtain for you. Once the other passengers stop hearing baby chatter they won't be looking at you anyway (virtually everyone recognizes that it's time to look away when they see a mother reach into her shirt to unclasp her bra)
• I have never had anyone say anything negative to me about nursing on a flight - i am pretty sure a flight attendant saw my whole boob once too. If it happens to you, you can politely remind the attendant that you're certain your fellow passengers would prefer a nursing baby to a screaming one and you'd be happy to have further discussion about it after you've finished feeding your hungry baby
• If you have to change a diaper, the bathrooms sometimes have fold down changing tables behind the toilets, though not always. when my babies were that small, we would change them on the tray tables (with the changing mat under them of course)
• Put the dirty diaper in one of the gallon size ziplocks (that you pack in your carry on) and bring the garbage to the bathroom can to toss
• Try to dress your baby with a onesie on under his/her outfit and then if poop makes it out of the diaper, the outfit is saved and you can just throw out the onesie with the diaper - they are cheap and easily replaced
• Don't try to give the flight attendant the dirty diaper - that will ruin your friendship
• Over all, it's only a couple hours it will be over before you know it and you'll be fetching your luggage
• Don't forget for the flight home, you get to do it all over again :)

While all of this seems really convoluted, this general procedure has made air travel quite enjoyable for me as a mother. Of course there are the unexpected oddities and a whole new host of challenges when traveling with preschoolers and kindergartners I am only just beginning to encounter. Any advice you can add to the mix?

Lesser Known Baby Care Tips

I'm back from my unintentional blog break - turns out it's hard to mother three children, blog, AND stalk Amazon's Christmas lightening sales. Something had to give. Now my Christmas shopping is done and Andrew has all three children outside so I'm back (with a simple one).

So it's pretty easy to acquire the knowledge it takes for basic baby care (perhaps overwhelming, and a bit of a challenge to master in some cases, but the information is all quite readily available): diapering, feeding, clothing the baby. Over my tenure as a mother, I've learned there are some baby care tricks that seem to get looked over yet they are tremendously helpful. So, I have assembled a list along with some help from my lovely and talented sister-in-law of the little things that make parenting easier. Please do add your own in the comments!

(Disclaimer: every individual's medical situation is unique. Use your instincts and consult with your baby's doctor as is prudent. These are measures that I have become comfortable with over five years of open dialogue with our doctors)

• Lotramin AF (generic: clotrimazole) is an EXCELLENT treatment for stubborn diaper rash, it's just as strong as prescription alternatives but much more cost effective and OTC (if you have super-good Rx coverage, it may not be cheaper but still more convenient). Diaper rash, athlete's foot, and feminine-area yeast infections are all the same type of fungus. When the wash/dry/diaper paste treatment plan doesn't cut it to heal a bad diaper rash add a layer of Lotramin on the skin before gooping up with paste to clear it up! Really, this should be something we tell parents at the hospital - diaper rash can go from zero to horrifying in such a short time, all parents should know how to treat without waiting on a doctor appointment. Sometimes diaper rash is caused by staph, not yeast, if the rash does not improve with Lotramin check with your Dr to be sure it isn't staph. (Our doctors' guideline is if 4-5 days of Lotramin doesn't show marked improvement then come in, it take take a week to fully heal. Check with your doctors' office for their own guideline)
• For a baby with a cough, run a little Vick's Vapo Rub (not the baby version) on the bottom of his feet and put on a pair of cotton socks. Yes, this sounds totally bizarre but many people swear by it (Evelyn's doctor is the one who passed this trick on to us). Don't put regular Vick's on your baby's chest, they make a baby version that is safe for that.
• Hopefully you will never encounter this - but chances are slim you will escape parenthood without a baby with a bad fever. Most babies are safe to have Motrin at two months of age and it tends to be more effective than Tylenol but Motrin can only be given every 6 hours and sometimes a stubborn fever can break through at the 4 or 5 hour mark leaving you with a sick baby and not too many options. This is the time to add a second medication into the mix. You can alternate Tylenol and Motrin (generics are just as good - I use the brand names for ease) and while Tylenol on its own may not touch your child's fever, it can do great things to prevent a fever breakthrough! We do NOT give both medications all at the same time! You need to be careful with the timing - the key is at least 2 hours between Motrin and Tylenol and at least 6 hours between Motrin doses. Keep count of the maximum daily doses of each (since you're probably not sleeping, keep a post-it and pen next to your bottles of meds and jot down when you give each). Of course keep in mind the disclaimer: when in doubt, call your doctor. Our medicating equation goes like this: Dose of Motrin +2 hours = dose of Tylenol +4 hours = dose of Motrin
• While we're talking about meds - it's important to give your child the right dose and the charts on the bottles are overly simplified. When you're giving medicine, pull up the chart for that medication and do the math for your child's weight. Using a syringe marked with milliliters will ensure the greatest accuracy. Don't buy into the need for expensive "infant" formulation - it's more concentrated (sometimes) and much more expensive per dose. Just do the math by your baby's most recent official weight - skip the bathroom scale measurements here, accuracy is at a premium. If your child's fever seems stubborn and won't respond to the medication there's a good chance you simply haven't given enough. 
• Ibuprofen (Motrin/Advil) is 4.5 mg per pound every 6 hours
• Example for a 20 pound child: 4.5 x 20 = 90 mg. My children's liquid is 100mg/5mL (or 20mg per 1mL)so the most accurate dose is 4.5mL  (CHECK THE CONCENTRATION ON YOUR BOTTLE don't go by mine. They are sometimes different)
• Acetaminophen (Tylenol) is  7 mg per pound every 4 hours
• Example for a 20 pound child: 7 x 20 = 140 mg. My children's liquid has 160mg/5mL (or 32mg per 1mL) so the most accurate dose is 4 1/8mL - you can safely round that down to 4. I haven't come across a syringe that shows 1/8 mL measurements. 
• Newborn fingernails are sharp like razors and are virtually impossible to clip close enough to be safe but not overly so. They do, however, very conveniently tear straight across. Instead of trying to clip them you can rip them off easily (some doctors recommend biting them if you can't get a good enough grip on an edge to tear them off). If tearing doesn't work, take a small nail file to them to file them down
• Traditional baby powder is made with talc which we now know contains lead and should be kept far away from babies' lungs (and adult lungs for that matter). There are good non-talc options on the market but the cheapest isn't in the baby section at all. Cornstarch is smooth as silk, super cheap, and even safe for use with cloth diapering! You can buy a salt shaker to keep it in for easy application. 
• There are a lot of products on the market that are geared specifically towards anxious new parents (and the price is marked up accordingly). It's important to keep in mind that just because a product exists, doesn't mean that you need it or that it's the best option for it's purpose! Dreft laundry detergent is one such product. The dye and fragrance free version of Tide or All detergent are both cheaper and preferred options as dreft still contains chemicals that can be irritating to a newborns skin (along with hormone influencing phthalates, but that is a blog post in itself) there are also a lot of good natural detergents on the market now, just be sure to stick with fragrance free until you know how sensitive your baby's skin is.
• You can check on the healthy rating for your detergent and all other baby products on the Environmental Working Group's website here  Of course we can't be hyper-vigilant about every potential toxin we encounter. We'd live in plastic glass bubbles! So figure out what matters most to you and let the rest slide. 
• Babies' skin is fragile and usually very sensitive. It's not made to withstand the rigors of frequent bathing. Bathing the baby only a couple of times a week is good for his/her skin and hair. Especially in the winter, bathing any more frequently than every other day can really wreak havoc on the natural balance of their skin. A warm, damp cloth is great to spot clean, just be sure you get any folds or crevices completely dry.
• In fact vernix, the waxy white stuff that most babies are born with on their skin, is antimicrobial and very moisturizing, delaying the first bath until after you're home from the hospital can help protect them from all of the scary germs that live in hospitals. Just rub the vernix in and gently wipe off any other residue with a water-dampened soft cloth
• We are all pretty familiar with the ubiquitous bulb syringe that are made to suction babies' noses - what is lesser known is that these "booger suckers" are so strong that they can tear the lining of a baby's nasal passages. There are a few models that safe guard against this - the apparatus are made so that they cannot go past the opening of the nostril. Most are totally ineffective and worthless, aside from the fact that they keep me from giving my baby a bloody nose, of course. There is one though that is absolutely fabulous and totally worth getting past the mental hurdle to use it. 

• The Nosefrida and while it takes a little getting used to the idea that you are using your own mouth-created suction to clear nasal congestion - once you try it you will see how spectacularly effective it is! To quell your fears, I have used mine a few dozen times now and never once has the mucus even touched the filter let alone made it into the straw part. For sticky boogers, spray or drop a little saline in and then gently suction it out. When you're done you can toss the tube in the dishwasher. Simply, safe, AND effective
• Poop happens, especially when your baby is very young, especially when your baby is exclusively breastfed, and that poop can often exceed the confines of a diaper. Cloth diapers do help to contain explosive poop significantly better than disposables but they aren't for everyone. Keeping baby in a shirt or outfit that has crotch snaps will help to contain a blowout to a single person - onesies are for more than just keeping a shirt tucked! When it's cool enough, putting a onesie on under a outfit can save you the heartache of having to change a baby out of a cute outfit ten minutes after getting him/her dressed. If you ever When you find yourself faced with poop up your baby's back make use of those clever cross-over neck lines and take the onesie DOWN instead of up. There's no reason to share the "love" with baby's hair. 
• A related poop-stain trick: breastmilk-poop stains sun out exceptionally well! A cloth diapering fact that *ALL* parents can use! A little bit of magic happens when sunshine and poop-stains meet - the most vigorous laundering can't do what a few hours in sunlight can. Seriously, all those baby outfits I threw away are weeping in the landfill. Just wash them and then hang them up to dry in the sun! 

That's all I have for now, but surely the list is no where near complete. So, what little tip/trick can you add to my list? 

Sleeping Through The Night

There are so many things in parenting that society judges us by, or so it seems. For babies, one of the most common questions that feels like stabby judgement is what I like to call The Question Of Dread - you know it: "So is he sleeping through the night yet?" Alternately: "Is she a good sleeper?/Is she a good baby?" As if a baby who doesn't sleep much is somehow misbehaving and "bad" or in need of discipline.

Now, I know in my mind that it's usually just a conversation point - it's not like someone is going to ask me if my 8 month old can read or ask about his latest endeavors in scientific advancement. There just aren't very many topics of polite conversation regarding babies and sleep is a universal. I get it. Still, it can feel an awful lot like they are really asking in order to categorize me as a good or bad parent. When the answer is "Oh, he's nursing every three hours or so, but I sleep through most all of it." part of me feels like I've just thrown my baby (my very very good baby, thank you) under the bus and gotten myself run over by it too.

Here's the thing, though, my child's sleep habits are not a reflection on my parenting and neither are yours. There are some babies who sleep through the night very early on, my dear dear friend has three children who all started sleeping 8-10 hours at 6 weeks old. There are some who sleep through the night at the published average of 3-6 months. There are some who won't sleep through the night for somewhere between six months old and significantly later. THEY ARE ALL NORMAL.

Your baby is an individual with individual needs. As long as you are listening and responding to those needs you are an excellent parent, talk yourself out of feeling judged when your answer to the Question of Dread is "Nope, not yet."

Quite the opposite of my friend mentioned above, I was blessed with three children with ..... excellent stamina. They are just not sleepers. For whatever reason that is not part of who they are - I can relate, I am also not a sleeper. After five years, I have finally come to terms with the reality here. The idea that we categorize babies who sleep a lot or readily are "good" and babies who do not are "bad" is inaccurate. The truth is that "good sleepers" are babies who are convenient for their parents and "bad sleepers" are less so. Maybe it makes me weird, but I did not choose to have babies for convenience nor did I expect motherhood to be convenient and so I should not be allowing a little inconvenience make me feel like I am doing a bad job. (Please do not be misled. I do totally whine when I get very little sleep - that doesn't make me a bad mom either.)

I recently had a friend ask me for how to get her 12 month old to sleep in her crib (without a night full of meltdowns) since keeping her in their bed was turning into an all night nursing session. There are some particular challenges that come when your baby doesn't sleep through the night on the early-ish side. A one year old is far more active when awake and can psyche themselves out of sleeping even when they are tired - while nursing or bouncing them to sleep was a great option when they were younger sometimes these options are not as feasible any more; or having a family bed is no longer what's best for your family and you'd like to encourage your child to sleep somewhere else. With some patience, ingenuity, patience, and more patience you will find what works best for your child.

The real key is thinking outside the box! If your baby has always needed some extra care and attention to get to sleep - don't expect her to be able to make an about face overnight. In fact, it may be years that she needs a little extra love at bed time. That is also TOTALLY NORMAL but it doesn't mean you can't transition her to her crib or get some alone adult time in the evenings. It does mean you need to get a little creative to get it done. In answer to my friend's question, these are some ideas for older babies:

• Bedtime routine then rock, sing, bounce her to sleep and I mean floppy/snoring/comatose asleep. When you think she's out wait 5 more minutes.Then set her down in her *warmed* bed. Use flannel sheets on her crib and warm them up with a hot water bottle or rice sock.  (If she usually falls asleep nursing in your bed, then get her asleep on a small blanket then transfer her on the blanket, Sea World dolphin transfer style, to keep a little more continuity for her) Since she's one, you could even use one of the pillowcases from your bed so her's smells familiar and comfortable. You can, ever so gradually, put her in her bed more awake until you lay her down awake and sing her to sleep then eventually sing to her and leave. 
• Bed time routine, then into bed sleepy but awake and sit next to her crib in the dark until she falls asleep. Add singing, reading, shushing as needed. Moving a little closer to the door every couple of nights until you are sitting in the doorway/hallway for her to fall asleep - eventually being able to put her in bed and remind her "I'm just outside the door" then leave the room
• Quit the crib. Babyproof her room (be meticulous!) and trade out her crib for a twin sized mattress on the floor. Treat this as you would your bed - however you get her to sleep in your bed do in her new bed (nurse, lay with your eyes closed, whatever) then when she's asleep get up and leave. Eventually easing her into laying down and going to sleep on her own. This has the added benefit of letting you lay and nurse her in her own bed in the middle of the night as she needs, then getting up and leaving, preventing her from nursing all night because she can. I would recommend getting a very good monitor so that her rustling will wake you up. 
• If you want to keep her in your bed, switch spots with your husband. Push the bed against a wall or get a bed rail - then, when she's asleep put your husband between you and the baby. Let him pat/sing/shush/cuddle her when she rustles and wants the comfort from nursing. 
• My babies did not really like food until they were around 18 months old, so they would wake up genuinely hungry at night and nurse not just for comfort. I wanted to mention that because "the books" would have you believe that no baby needs to eat at night after 6 months and that is simply not true. You know your baby, if it's hunger feed her - remember, she hasn't read the books, she doesn't know she "shouldn't" be hungry at night. 

There are plenty of other variations of "think outside the box" here - if none of the ones I listed fit the bill for your baby, I'm certain you can find what works. Just keep her/his needs in mind - most of all babies (of all ages) need you to hear and respond to their needs, to love them, and to make them feel safe and secure. You're all they've got and they don't read baby books. 

Don't let a non-stereotypically "good baby" (ugh) make you doubt yourself as a parent. If nothing else, then you get The Question of Dread just proudly respond "She/He's absolutely perfect, thank you!" because that's all they need to know.

12 Month Old Henry, sleeping. It did happen, sometimes.

So You Didn't Want To Know About: Car Seat Safety

Car seats...we all know we're supposed to use them, we aren't allowed to bring our babies home from the hospital without one. How many people, though, are regularly using their car seat restraints *properly*?

Car seats aren't magical devices that will keep a baby or child safe no matter how they are buckled. Their safety is directly related to how accurately we arrange and tighten the straps and buckles.

If you find that you've been doing it wrong, don't feel badly. It took me one and a half babies before I realized how many mistakes I was making. The more we know the better we do. I've found, particularly in this regard, I much prefer to swallow my pride and learn the right way than assume things will be fine. Learning the hard way that things aren't "fine" when it comes to car seats can be quite catastrophic.

What I think most expecting parents don't know (from my own experience and comments from an unofficial survey of first-time expecting parents when we were on our most recent hospital tour) is that the hospital does not teach you how to use your car seat. They won't let you leave without one but they cannot show you how to install the base or safely buckle your newborn into it. Of course, this is for liability reasons. In fact, one nurse tried to correct how I had buckled one of my babies and ended up giving me entirely backwards information. We would have all been better off if she hadn't offered any instruction.

If you want to be certain you've got it right take your car, an 18-20 inch tall baby doll if your baby has yet to arrive, and your car seat to your local car seat inspector (usually the police or fire department will have a few officers who have gone through extensive training) and have them show you the ropes. At the very least follow the basics below.

There are a lot more points about car seat safety, but for the sake of brevity I'm going to stick with the most common mistakes.

The safest place for a baby is rear facing in the center, back seat of your vehicle for a minimum of the first TWO years of his/her life**.  Read your carseat's manual to account for variances in placement. You need the seat (or the base if it's an infant carrier) to be properly leveled and very very snug. At the base where the carseat meets the bottom and back of the car's seat there should be less than one inch of wiggle room. The snugger the better! This should be checked very regularly as the straps can loosen up over time.

**Yes, TWO years. While not all states have adopted it to law, the national recommendation is no longer 1 year and 20 lbs because too many babies were being critically and fatally injured in crashes when forward facing. Rear facing is the safest way for children to ride in the car and they should stay rear facing for as long as possible. Some children are still able to rear face as four year olds. I know that their legs can look uncomfortable and some children are grumpy about not being able to see much, but in a crash the difference could be that of a sore/broken leg and a broken neck.

Buckle height is perhaps the most common mistake I see. Simply buckling the seat is not enough to keep your baby safe.

First get the shoulder straps properly adjusted: for rear facing babies that is at or below the height of the shoulders. Forward facings is at or above.

The buckle of a 5-point harness belongs at arm pit height, also sometimes referred to as nipple height. Not mid-rib cage, diaphragm, or waist height. Every centimeter below arm pit height the buckle is, your car seat gets less safe. With the buckle at waist height your child can be ejected from their car seat in the event of a crash! Put your baby in his/her seat and fasten the buckles then slide the buckle all the way up to arm pit height.

WAY WAY WAY too low

**STILL** too low! (I know, perhaps surprising but true nonetheless)

This is the right height! The sides of the buckle are pointing right at his armpit and is centered over nipple-height. However, it's still too loose - keep on reading...

Once you have the buckles in the right spot you can check the next thing, Strap Tension. Try to pinch the strap at your baby's shoulder.

(Sorry my pictures are wonky sizes, my editing software was freezing my computer so I circumvented)

On the left you can see there was enough slack to get a pinch of strap, that's too loose. Even though it looked decently tight, when we give it the pinch test we know better. On the right you see the strap is snug enough that I cannot pinch the strap (without also pinching the baby)

Car seat straps need to be snug. You should not be able to get a pinch of the strap. If you can get a grasp on the strap, tighten them! If the straps are loose your baby will endure the violent forces of a crash as their body is thrown against the straps. Alternately, with snug straps your baby's body is held to their car seat and moves with the forces of the crash. This minimizes the amount of damage to their bodies.

You want your baby to become one with the car seat. They should not be able to lean over for toys or fall forward/sideways when they fall asleep. If they move independently from the car seat in a crash they are far more likely to be injured.

 

Here he is! Snug and safe ... go ahead and ignore those pretzel crumbs on the ground, s'il vous plait

Nothing should go between your baby and their carseat beside a couple thin layers of clothing. No winter jackets, snow suits, or bundlers. No cushy strap covers or extra head rests. Car seats are tested for safety as they are sold - extra fabric can compress in a crash and leave too much wiggle room in the straps. The more the wiggle room the more harm that can be done to the baby in a crash. You can put winter coats back on backwards over the buckles - now your children are safe *and* warm. I find that heating up the car for a few minutes in the winter makes this much more pleasant in the Chicago winters.

If you want to know if your child's cold weather wear is thin enough, sit them in their seat and check the straps so that they are properly snug with the buckle at the proper height, now take them out of the seat and put their warm layers on. Try to buckle them back in. If you can secure them and get the buckle back to arm pit height without loosening the straps then you are good to go! If you're curious you can reverse this process and see just how much slack the straps would have in the event of a crash.

Here is Baby warm against but angry at the impending Chicago winter. Buckle is at the right height, I can't pinch the should strap at all. 

I took off the snow suit and rebuckled without changing the tension at all and you can see how much room there actually was! In a crash, his body would be shaken around as if the straps were virtually this loose (the snow suit cannot compress to nothing, but it would compress a lot)

When I first learned about the no-coats recommendation I did this and was *stunned!*  it seems so simple and logical once you know about it but I had never thought of it (until half-way through my middle child's second winter). The coats back-and-forth is an extra step to get all of us on the road but I think it's very worth it. (insert "The More You Know" shooting star and riff here)


If you want to research further (and I recommend you do, this only really covers buckling properly), The Car Seat Lady has some excellent videos on the subject and also goes into more depth on the dangers I've touched on here. She also fleshes out the type of seats available and which children they are best for. So scoot on over there - I highly recommend her information

These are all small thing that can be life saving measures - happy buckling!

****Standard disclaimers as outlined in my first post apply. I am not the boss of you, nor am I equipped to dictate what is best for your particular child. The information I share is not judgement or report card. Your baby, your life, your choice.****

So You Didn't Want To Know About: My Blog

Velkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome, chez mon avis! 

My irrepressible need to share information has finally overwhelmed my need to spend my recreational internet time on facebook, pinterest, and disney vacation message boards. See, I've known that normal people don't care to know all of the things that I care to know about for quite some time but have dismissed it. If only people knew what I've learned they would be overcome with my insatiable hunger for information (about everything besides politics thankyouverymuch)! 

Well - let's be honest. I'm kind of a weirdo. Real life doesn't revolve around primary research or mitigating statistical risk, and in real life people with an information-sharing problem like mine are kind of a nuisance. So I am indulging in a little solipsistic rambling. (What is the internet for if it isn't for vanity and patting one's self on the back?)

My current foci are all things parenting (pregnancy, birth, nursing, rearing) which are often hotly contended, mostly because parents feel tremendous pressure and judgement and very little affirmation. All I can offer is what I have chosen is best for *my* family and why. If you agree with my conclusion? Great. If you disagree? Great. You cannot live my life just as surely as I cannot live yours. We plug along doing our best in life and hoping and praying for God (or whatever power to which you ascribe - including the power of self) to fill in where we are lacking. 

Clear cut safety issues aside (I'm thinking proper car seat use) there are virtually no black-and-white parenting issues. Our lives are so diverse, and the weight that empirical evidence or professional opinion play in our decisions varies greatly, as it should. I am not here to make choices for you or brow beat you into making the same choices that were right for me.

I'm carving out time to write between feedings, floor puzzles, school pick ups, and snacks - there may or may not be adequate time for proof reading and I may or may not care. Let's let the previous sentence serve as a blanket apology to my inner grammar critic and yours. If I have to care about the perfect word choice and comma placement I will never get anything posted - then how will I share all of my opinions?!? T'would be a travesty!

Disclaimers set and out of the way - let's get into all those things you never wanted to know about in the first place (but I can't keep to myself)!

You're welcome to comment and tell me how awesome I am or leave a suggestion for something you *do* want to know about.